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♣ The name's Zanny... which means adventurous, crazy...
♣ Still considering what permanent job I want for the rest of my life.
♣ Loves: Wolves, dogs, MY cello, looking at clouds, My family and... you know who you are.
♣ Hates: Backstabbers? people who talk without using their brains first? you get the point.
♣ Dreams of: Having a 9-5 job that pays well. Have my own house where i can provide a living heaven for my dogs. Live a peaceful life with those i hold dear to. Have a family. Die peacefully.
♣ I'm just an ordinary girl, living in a extraordinary world. Longing for time to myself where i can just sit down with my dogs by my side, sipping tea and looking at the clouds drift by.
♣ I hate pain and am really sensitive to pain. Hates people randomly slapping me, I don't care whether it's a light pat or a tight slap.
♣ I'm very anti social and hates the effort of reconnecting with people. It doesn't mean I don't care or I've forgotten them though... Just call me and i WILL be there for you.
♣ It's just that, It hurts to know that there's a distance and we won't be as close as we used to. Sigh, I really wish college could last forever. I had my closest high school friends as my housemates and i found the best friends i could only dream of. And i found you.
♣ I think too much. I wake up from my dreams crying sometimes. Sometimes because of a friend. Might be my family or even you. I cry and get depressed when I'm drunk. I'm just weird. sorry.
♣♣ Like an instrument for a song
- Like the sun for tomorrow's dawn
- Every moment of time's just an answer to find
- What you're here for, what you breathe for
- What you wake for, What you bleed for.
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Sunday, January 30, 2011
, 8:12:00 PM
⇨Can you get into my head. Even for just one second?
I guess i'm really dumb. Really Stupid, idiotic, pathetic.
If our story happened earlier, it wouldn't have been like this. I think about the possibilities everyday.
If we had met earlier? If we hadn't met at all. If i hadn't joined a-level's. If there was someone else in my life. If she hadn't been so screwed up? If you hadn't celebrated my bday for me. If you never came to me. If we didn't click. If i had given up earlier on.
If you never told me anything.
My life would be much more simpler with all those if''s. much much more simpler. without the drama and the hatred. those blardy sentimental times i spent consoling myself while you were consoling her.
When i tell you i can't take it anymore, you say:"so you don't wanna try making "us" work?"
I'm trying my HARDEST to make it work and where is YOUR try?
You never show me that you're trying. You just leave things the way they are.
And therefore leave me hanging on. Every time i wanna let go, you'll turn your head and give me that smile of yours and i forget my hurt, ignoring it perhaps, and keep holding on. Just hoping that one day, you'll do what you should've done long time ago, and tell me you're ready now.
i want, a guy who knows that barrier between gals and guys.
i want, a guy who's attention is always mine.
i want, a guy who would hug me instead of comforting another.
i want, a guy who has the balls to do the right thing.
i want, a guy who can protect me instead of leaving me to fend for myself.
i want, a guy who doesn't hold his phone all night.
i want, a guy who hugs me and tell me he's happy i'm there for him at night.
i want, a guy who doesn't leave me alone when i'm feeling sentimental.
i want, a guy who would stand up for me when someone calls me a bitch.
i want, a guy who FIGHTS hard for our relationship to work.
i want, a guy who has the gut's to tell me "i love you"
but the saddest thing of all.
i NEED that guy who can't fulfill all those above.